What do women want for Valentine's Day? Hell, what do they want at all, any day? Well, just a dozen easy (read: not that easy) things. But if you do them, you may end up having your best Valentine's Day ever, and making your relationship even better than you imagined it could be.
1. Women want to be desired. "WTF," you ask. "I'm always initiating sex and she's always like, get the hell off me, you animal." Here's the thing. Sadly enough, your wife may think that you just want to have sex with her because she's there and she's your only option. She thinks of desire as something way different, where you put in a lot of effort to woo her and seduce her because you want her, and only her, so badly. Like your early dating relationship, or like one of those movies she wants to watch that you hate.
2. Women want you to want to spend time with them. Nothing big, just hanging out and talking. But the key is the desire to spend time with them; just spending time with them is not enough, and spending time with them grudgingly is worse than nothing. The best case scenario is where you say things like, "There was this work happy hour, but I came home because I'd rather hang out with you." And don't add "Because my asshole boss was going so I didn't want to be there." So the point is that you prioritize time with her over other fun activities, at least sometimes. Like monthly. Oh, before I forget, there is a key point to hanging out together: the hanging out must be without your smartphone. (More on that in one second.)
3. Women want you to get off your phone or computer. They hate when you're NOT PAYING ATTENTION. Picture a 45 degree angle in your mind and that is the linear graph of the correspondence between a woman's happiness and her perception that you're paying attention to her. Now cross off happiness and write "sex." Still valid. Smartphone = cockblock.
4. Women want you to be vulnerable. They hate when you act like you're perfect. They hate when you say things like, "Hmm, nothing really stresses me out that much" and "I'm fine!" I mean, sometimes, even most of the time, you can feel fine. But if you never ever struggle with any negative emotion, any insecurity, or any weakness in any regard, you are going to be pretty off putting to interact with. Also, if your wife shares anything negative about herself, she will feel ashamed and crappy because you don't empathize, but just kind of pity her or problem solve. If you never say you also feel negative vulnerable emotions (e.g., sadness, embarrassment, anxiety), your wife will find herself being attracted to that guy at work that talks about how nervous he also gets before big presentations. Also, you're cutting your wife's natural nurturing impulses off at the knees. Women want to help you and take care of you, not to excess, but enough to feel that they have a positive impact on you (see #11). So if you never need them, they never feel needed, and they can never reassure or nurture you, and then they will either have to buy a puppy, have another baby, or cheat on you with a guy who needs their love.Show a special feature: Invite her to your place for a special movie night, complete with popcorn and hot cocoa. Show that you've been thinking of her by buying her favorite romantic movie online (again, it's OK to ask her for movie suggestions without revealing your entire plan). Check for movie deals at sites like Deep Discount DVD or compare prices at comparison sites like My Simon or Google Product Search. A few favorite feminine V-Day flicks: "Sleepless in Seattle," "You've Got Mail," "An Affair to Remember" and "Love Actually." If you're a little on the artsy side and don't mind subtitles, try "Like Water for Chocolate," from Mexico.
5 Say it in your own words: Who needs Shakespeare? Many women, including Fawn Fitter of San Francisco, say a heartfelt card is worth its weight in gold. "Not some verse from Hallmark, just something sweet in his own handwriting. That's all it takes," she says.
6 Eat in: Consider making a romantic dinner at home for your sweetie instead of going to a pricey restaurant on Valentine's Day. After all, many women hate the crowded restaurant scene on Feb. 14 as much as men do. Or how about breakfast in bed? If you've got even a shred of culinary talent, get up early and prepare her favorite -- pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, perhaps, with hot coffee, a carafe of mimosa and two champagne glasses.
7 Make a public display: For guys looking for something a little out of the ordinary, Spizman likes the personalized "pop art" certificate at Gallery of Love. For $34.95, the site will personalize a comic-book art-type certificate that your sweetie can hang on her wall as a reminder of your love. If you're on a budget, you may wish to frame the certificate yourself -- if you purchase a frame at the site, your gift will, with shipping, tip over into the $100-plus price range.
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